From When I Didn’t Know About Twin Flames or Soulmates
Again and again. You appear. Everyone seems to talk about twin flames and soulmates. When I met you, I didn’t know about all these terms and words. What I knew was what I felt.
After all this time, I still remember how everything crumbled around you. Nothing else mattered, it was just you, and me being mesmerized. Suddenly, love was not just a distant concept anymore. I remember the moment I realized that I love you. I was young, too young for all these feelings to drown me. I thought swimming was not a problem, but oh, with you I realized I can’t even learn how to do it. Afraid is just a too little word for the fear of us not getting together. Every second, I felt you trough me, my veins were flooded with you and with my love.
Every day was a fight to get over it, to let it go. No one around understood. Not even myself, cause every time it got a little better, a dream of you appeared. And, in those dreams, we were together, feeling so real, at peace. And, then, waking up, the reality was smashed in my face, every cell of me feeling lost.
All the pain, all the desperation, it was worth it. For those moments when you looked at me and smiled. For when I could hear your voice and melt. I always melted for you, even if you don’t know it. I didn’t tell you many things. Why? Because I was afraid. Of what? Of hurting you in any way, of you rejecting me. Now, I regret. With my fear I hurt you, and I never wanted that. My silence hurt you. Your silence hurt me too. I ran away, and you did too.
I knew from the beginning that a love like this is almost impossible to be felt again. After all these years, it still applies. I tried so hard to categorize and explain this feelings to myself and I couldn’t. I came to the conclusion of unconditional love. Pure love. Pure adoration. Pure trust. For me, you are pure. For me, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met.
Sometimes, I hate it when I still write about you. I hate how I don’t know how you feel. Am I crazy? I don’t know. I hope not. Many years passed, many things happened in our lives. But, the love has not changed. Even if I don’t think about you everyday, even if I don’t dream about you every night, the love is still there. It is just hidden better, and I don’t mind it. I know it so well now. The future is awaiting to become the present.
So, I didn’t know about twin flames or soulmates, but I knew it was love. Without definitions. With pain and suffering, with happiness, with everything. I can’t hold your hand now, just in my dreams, but just know that if you are happy, I am too. And my love for you, in every lifetime, in every dimension, in every universe, is there. Whether you want it or not, whether you feel it or not, my love is there.
